I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
