the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
