just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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