the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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