There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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