i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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