just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
