I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
