I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
its not stalking. its research.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
