im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
