At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize