my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize