what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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