He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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