You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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