i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
