He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
