But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
