This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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