found the other keg... it's in the tree
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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