What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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