Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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