He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
