oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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