i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
