I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
