I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
