they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
