everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
