I puked a lego.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
