Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
