I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've blown a few things in my day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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