Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
