The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
