I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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