Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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