He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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