You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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