So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
