nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My vagina is very pro this idea
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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