Can Purell be used as lube?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
