It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize