There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
