and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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