"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're like the curious george of whores
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
