I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
