i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
