i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
