If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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