is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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