At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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