also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
