Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
