I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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