So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
