come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
