Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
