We won't sleep together?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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