Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
