It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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