i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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