Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
