you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
