i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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