have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
