She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
