i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
